Wiki (n.) A web site in permanent Beta

Diary: Diary (n.) A type of virtual Bitchtorrent peer invented by a frustrated teenage girl.

While many people consider diaries to be a normal part of teenager life, it is a provable fact that these were unknown in past times, say 10,000 years ago. Rather than a quaint attempt at self-documentation, diaries may better be seen as a sign of trouble in the life of a young growing woman. Specifically, a female who has access to sufficient Bitchtorrent peers will maintain a healthy store of up-to-date torrents, and high upload ratios, giving her a good social status and high self-esteem. However, an isolated young woman, lacking in sisters, female cousins, and close female friends, will create an imaginary Bitchtorrent peer with whom to create a persistent bond. "Dear diary…"

While there is no direct harm in considering a diary to be a better listener than, for example, one's parents, the indirect damage can be significant and long term. First of all, diary writers will suffer from low self-esteem, having no human peers to help in self-evaluation. This low self-esteem will translate into poor choice of friends, subjects of study, husband, and eventually, interior decorations.

Second, failure to practice real Bitchtorrent at a young age makes females somewhat incompetent at navigating the real world, when they finally leave home. A common coping mechanism is male mimicry, in which a female learns Woofing, seeks employment in a pack structure (that is, a traditional business or bureaucratic setting), and attempts to find self-esteem by competing with males. This strategy is generally guaranteed to fail, leaving the female at thirty with no partner (since family and work do not mix), and unable to get one (since men do not enjoy women who speak Woofing back to them).

Incidentally, even females who do not keep a diary and who establish good Bitchtorrent networks while young, will find their share ratio falling if they invest significantly in male mimicry in a pack structure.

Thirdly, since Bitchtorrent serves as the principle conduit for information about the world, women who do not build healthy Bitchtorrent networks will make errors of judgment based on inadequate information and wrong assumptions. Such as, "I know he loves me, he told me so." To which a real Bitchtorrent peer would reply, "Don't fool yourself, sister, he just wants you to sleep with him," and back that up with the relevant stories. The diary is thus the silent partner in the misery of many young and confused women.

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly from an overall socioeconomic perspective, the failure of a significant proportion of individual Bitchtoothing networks represents a systemic failure of an important aspect of social fabric. A society dominated by Woolfing speakers, lacking the balance that Bitchtorrent networks provide, will be efficient but will also be stupid, and commit ghastly mistakes on a massive scale.

Luckily the 21st century discovered how to make Bitchtorrent work over the Internet, giving us Facebook and Myspace.

Without technological assistance, women will establish persistent peering relationships only with a small number (half a dozen or so) high-value peers. Modern "social networking" software (this common label ignores the essentially gender-oriented nature of the scenario) lets women scale their network to hundreds of lower-value peers, which has been very bad for the diary business, but good for young women everywhere, as well as fun for many men who have found that such web sites let them speak fluent Bitchtorrent, with almost no effort.

Having said all this, it remains a crime of theft (of information value, in the Bitchtorrent sense) for anyone to read another person's diary, unless the writer is a historical figure. Parents who find diaries in their daughters' drawers should under no circumstances read them. They should however take the time to establish a Bitchtorrent channel, starting with the offering of rich and valuable information. To the father who asked his pregnant teenage daughter, "why did you not tell me you had a boyfriend?!", the girl may accurately answer, "because you never told me anything intimate about yourself".

  • Train: Train (n.) A long tube filled with seats and loud people. [people]
  • Gene: Gene (n.) Tiny, without mercy, and in charge. [sex]
  • Sex: Sex (n.) An agreement between two sets of genes to enter into negotiations with the eventual goal of mutual reproduction. Also known as "more of me". [economics sex]
  • Coffee: Coffee (n.) One of the four essential elements, together with alcohol, music, and sex. [sex]
  • Free will: Free will (n.) The confusion of correlation with causation. [beer you]
  • Panic attack: Panic attack (n.) The moment when you realize your place in the Universe. [importance you]
  • Addiction: Addiction (n.) Something you can stop anytime you want to, only you never want to. [confusion mind]
  • Population: Population (n.) Other people, of whom there are always too many. [economics ethics stupidity]
  • Racism: Racism (n.) An over-identification with one's extended family, usually combined with low collective self-esteem, which leads one to dismiss members of other extended families as more or less sub-human. [fear power]
  • Wealth: Wealth (n.) In financial terms, assets that one can demonstrate only by spending, and thus losing, them. [marketing money]
  • Cosmetic surgery: Cosmetic surgery (n.) A form of body modification whereby humans pay for physical alterations to make them look younger and/or more sexually attractive. [female male marketing pain]
  • History: History (n.) (1) A series of lessons we are determined to forget as soon as possible in the search for our own self-created reality. (2) A series of fictions written by the winners to explain why the losers really deserved all the unpleasant things that happened to them. [epicfail power]
  • Cactus: Cactus (n.) A plant designed to show why jumping into everything you see is not a good idea. [pain]
  • Expert: Expert (n.) Someone who is insufficiently ignorant. [intelligence stupidity]
  • Airport: Airport (n.) A large building designed to be as inconvenient and unpleasant as possible for passengers departing on, or arriving from, aircraft. [oil stupidity]
  • Uniform: Uniform (n.) A clothing statement made by an organized gang preparing for explicit or implicit violence. [group violence]
  • War: War (n.) In tribal societies, an excuse for older men to send younger ones to kill and die so that there are more females to go around. In modern societies, an extension of the global trade system, in which countries that refuse to accept a fair trade deal are bombed. [power trade violence]
  • Urldumper: Urldumper (n.) A person who sends URLs to mailing lists with no further explanation. Pronounciation: like 'Girldumper" without the "g". [confusion troll]
  • Unirail: Unirail (n.) A category of person with a one track mind. [communications confusion]
  • The Market: The Market (n.) For politicians, something to play with much as a teenage psychopath plays with a puppy. For small businesses, something to try to build despite the predations of politicians and their crony friends. For consumers, the Invisible Hand that pushes them to buy yet another strawberry slushie. [economics trade]
  • Strugeon's Law: Sturgeon's Law (n.) The more famous of deceased sci-fi author Theodore Sturgeon's two popular laws explains that 90% of everything is crap, and thus it is pointless to attack the 10% by pointing to the crud. [crap society sturgeon]
  • Sturgeon Filter: Sturgeon Filter (n.) That part of a social architectural process that keeps the 90% of crap out. Lack of a Sturgeon Filter explains the problems that many organizations have when they grow. [crap society sturgeon]
  • Religion: Religion (n.) The means by which a generally logical mind survives in a world with an over-abundance of unknowns. [confusion logic]
  • Reality: Reality (n.) That which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away. [confusion mind]
  • Privacy: Privacy (n.) The protection of data, information, or knowledge goods held and owned by an individual or a group, including physical, technical, or legal exclusions that defend that protection. [economics ethics power]
  • Pornography: Pornography (n.) Also, "porn", "pr0n". A super-stimulus that exceeds the bounds of polite society. [pr0n]
  • Planning: Planning (n.) In which a central authority, already many years behind the facts on the ground, tries to allocate essential resources on the basis of belief and hope. [stupidity]
  • Patent: Patent (n.) A medieval economic tool by which politicians attempt to stimulate trade and wealth by banning innovation and competition in crucial areas of technology. [confusion disease power]
  • Morality: Morality (n.) In which enjoyable behavior is banned so as to leave more for those in charge. [power]
  • Monday: Monday (n.) Invented in the middle ages by sadistic priests who felt that anyone having fun on a Sunday deserved to suffer the next day. Not to be confused with hell. [pain]
  • Marketing: Marketing (n.) The art of convincing people they need something do not, while getting them to pay as much as is possible. [confusion fiction marketing money]
  • Intelligence: Intelligence (n.) The ability to design complex and subtle tests to detect intelligence. [mind]
  • Immigrant: Immigrant (n.) A socially undesirable, poorer person seeking a better life in a new country. [prison]
  • Half-life: Half-life (n.) In technology, the regular period in which the production cost of a technology or product will fall by 50%. [space technology]
  • Genocide: Genocide (n.) The convenient elimination of a middle class by poor rural thugs organized by a cynical political elite. [violence]
  • Freedom: Freedom (n.) The capacity of an individual or group for exchange of goods, services, knowledge or information with others, publicly or privately. [economics]
  • Foreigner: Foreigner (n.) A non-local of undetermined social status. [culture fashion power]
  • Fashion: Fashion (n.) The process of imitating those better than us and distancing ourselves from those beneath us, by adopting new memes of dress, speech, manners, or lifestyle. [confusion fashion marketing pr0n]
  • Expiry date: Expiry date (n.) When printed on a packet of perishable goods or medicines, means "date by which to send to poor countries as aid". [food]
  • Expatriate: Expatriate (n.) A socially desirable and/or rich person seeking a better life in a new country. Contrast with immigrant and foreigner. [money power]