Wiki (n.) A web site in permanent Beta

Airport: Airport (n.) A large building designed to be as inconvenient and unpleasant as possible for passengers departing on, or arriving from, aircraft.

The modern air travel experience has been described as "a bunch of tired, frustrated, and hungry people fighting it out over a handful of power sockets". It is notable how the modern air travel experience resembles a low-grade torture facility. The victims, also called "pax", are stripped of their personal dignity through a series of searches "for their own security". They are removed from contact with the outside world, often for hours. All communications, entertainment, leisure, and comfort are removed from common spaces, so that "VIP Lounges" can sell these back to "business class travelers" at a premium. Some airports have successfully combined the ersatz comforts of a shopping mall with the mechanical business of processing pax, but most rely on shock and awe to keep the pax under control and compliantly close to the gate.

It would be relatively simple to make airports even pleasant places to travel in: free wi-fi and free Internet kiosks; comfortable seats to relax or doze in; SMS alarms for boarding; better design in which walking distances are minimized; pleasant seating areas decorated with plants and separators; more and cheaper food and drink; television areas; areas for children to play; many more power sockets; proper shops with decent choices; sports facilities with swimming pool, roller rink, shooting stand, and ping-pong tables.

Airports are a classic example of planning based on irrational expectations of growth. Just as countries around the world replace older, less shiny airports with new glass and metal behemoths, oil starts to run out and the global air travel industry collapses.

  • Train: Train (n.) A long tube filled with seats and loud people. [people]
  • Gene: Gene (n.) Tiny, without mercy, and in charge. [sex]
  • Sex: Sex (n.) An agreement between two sets of genes to enter into negotiations with the eventual goal of mutual reproduction. Also known as "more of me". [economics sex]
  • Coffee: Coffee (n.) One of the four essential elements, together with alcohol, music, and sex. [sex]
  • Free will: Free will (n.) The confusion of correlation with causation. [beer you]
  • Panic attack: Panic attack (n.) The moment when you realize your place in the Universe. [importance you]
  • Addiction: Addiction (n.) Something you can stop anytime you want to, only you never want to. [confusion mind]
  • Population: Population (n.) Other people, of whom there are always too many. [economics ethics stupidity]
  • Racism: Racism (n.) An over-identification with one's extended family, usually combined with low collective self-esteem, which leads one to dismiss members of other extended families as more or less sub-human. [fear power]
  • Wealth: Wealth (n.) In financial terms, assets that one can demonstrate only by spending, and thus losing, them. [marketing money]
  • Cosmetic surgery: Cosmetic surgery (n.) A form of body modification whereby humans pay for physical alterations to make them look younger and/or more sexually attractive. [female male marketing pain]
  • History: History (n.) (1) A series of lessons we are determined to forget as soon as possible in the search for our own self-created reality. (2) A series of fictions written by the winners to explain why the losers really deserved all the unpleasant things that happened to them. [epicfail power]
  • Cactus: Cactus (n.) A plant designed to show why jumping into everything you see is not a good idea. [pain]
  • Expert: Expert (n.) Someone who is insufficiently ignorant. [intelligence stupidity]
  • Airport: Airport (n.) A large building designed to be as inconvenient and unpleasant as possible for passengers departing on, or arriving from, aircraft. [oil stupidity]
  • Uniform: Uniform (n.) A clothing statement made by an organized gang preparing for explicit or implicit violence. [group violence]
  • War: War (n.) In tribal societies, an excuse for older men to send younger ones to kill and die so that there are more females to go around. In modern societies, an extension of the global trade system, in which countries that refuse to accept a fair trade deal are bombed. [power trade violence]
  • Urldumper: Urldumper (n.) A person who sends URLs to mailing lists with no further explanation. Pronounciation: like 'Girldumper" without the "g". [confusion troll]
  • Unirail: Unirail (n.) A category of person with a one track mind. [communications confusion]
  • The Market: The Market (n.) For politicians, something to play with much as a teenage psychopath plays with a puppy. For small businesses, something to try to build despite the predations of politicians and their crony friends. For consumers, the Invisible Hand that pushes them to buy yet another strawberry slushie. [economics trade]
  • Strugeon's Law: Sturgeon's Law (n.) The more famous of deceased sci-fi author Theodore Sturgeon's two popular laws explains that 90% of everything is crap, and thus it is pointless to attack the 10% by pointing to the crud. [crap society sturgeon]
  • Sturgeon Filter: Sturgeon Filter (n.) That part of a social architectural process that keeps the 90% of crap out. Lack of a Sturgeon Filter explains the problems that many organizations have when they grow. [crap society sturgeon]
  • Religion: Religion (n.) The means by which a generally logical mind survives in a world with an over-abundance of unknowns. [confusion logic]
  • Reality: Reality (n.) That which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away. [confusion mind]
  • Privacy: Privacy (n.) The protection of data, information, or knowledge goods held and owned by an individual or a group, including physical, technical, or legal exclusions that defend that protection. [economics ethics power]
  • Pornography: Pornography (n.) Also, "porn", "pr0n". A super-stimulus that exceeds the bounds of polite society. [pr0n]
  • Planning: Planning (n.) In which a central authority, already many years behind the facts on the ground, tries to allocate essential resources on the basis of belief and hope. [stupidity]
  • Patent: Patent (n.) A medieval economic tool by which politicians attempt to stimulate trade and wealth by banning innovation and competition in crucial areas of technology. [confusion disease power]
  • Morality: Morality (n.) In which enjoyable behavior is banned so as to leave more for those in charge. [power]
  • Monday: Monday (n.) Invented in the middle ages by sadistic priests who felt that anyone having fun on a Sunday deserved to suffer the next day. Not to be confused with hell. [pain]
  • Marketing: Marketing (n.) The art of convincing people they need something do not, while getting them to pay as much as is possible. [confusion fiction marketing money]
  • Intelligence: Intelligence (n.) The ability to design complex and subtle tests to detect intelligence. [mind]
  • Immigrant: Immigrant (n.) A socially undesirable, poorer person seeking a better life in a new country. [prison]
  • Half-life: Half-life (n.) In technology, the regular period in which the production cost of a technology or product will fall by 50%. [space technology]
  • Genocide: Genocide (n.) The convenient elimination of a middle class by poor rural thugs organized by a cynical political elite. [violence]
  • Freedom: Freedom (n.) The capacity of an individual or group for exchange of goods, services, knowledge or information with others, publicly or privately. [economics]
  • Foreigner: Foreigner (n.) A non-local of undetermined social status. [culture fashion power]
  • Fashion: Fashion (n.) The process of imitating those better than us and distancing ourselves from those beneath us, by adopting new memes of dress, speech, manners, or lifestyle. [confusion fashion marketing pr0n]
  • Expiry date: Expiry date (n.) When printed on a packet of perishable goods or medicines, means "date by which to send to poor countries as aid". [food]
  • Expatriate: Expatriate (n.) A socially desirable and/or rich person seeking a better life in a new country. Contrast with immigrant and foreigner. [money power]