Wiki (n.) A web site in permanent Beta

Diary: Diary (n.) A type of virtual Bitchtorrent peer invented by a frustrated teenage girl.

While many people consider diaries to be a normal part of teenager life, it is a provable fact that these were unknown in past times, say 10,000 years ago. Rather than a quaint attempt at self-documentation, diaries may better be seen as a sign of trouble in the life of a young growing woman. Specifically, a female who has access to sufficient Bitchtorrent peers will maintain a healthy store of up-to-date torrents, and high upload ratios, giving her a good social status and high self-esteem. However, an isolated young woman, lacking in sisters, female cousins, and close female friends, will create an imaginary Bitchtorrent peer with whom to create a persistent bond. "Dear diary…"

While there is no direct harm in considering a diary to be a better listener than, for example, one's parents, the indirect damage can be significant and long term. First of all, diary writers will suffer from low self-esteem, having no human peers to help in self-evaluation. This low self-esteem will translate into poor choice of friends, subjects of study, husband, and eventually, interior decorations.

Second, failure to practice real Bitchtorrent at a young age makes females somewhat incompetent at navigating the real world, when they finally leave home. A common coping mechanism is male mimicry, in which a female learns Woofing, seeks employment in a pack structure (that is, a traditional business or bureaucratic setting), and attempts to find self-esteem by competing with males. This strategy is generally guaranteed to fail, leaving the female at thirty with no partner (since family and work do not mix), and unable to get one (since men do not enjoy women who speak Woofing back to them).

Incidentally, even females who do not keep a diary and who establish good Bitchtorrent networks while young, will find their share ratio falling if they invest significantly in male mimicry in a pack structure.

Thirdly, since Bitchtorrent serves as the principle conduit for information about the world, women who do not build healthy Bitchtorrent networks will make errors of judgment based on inadequate information and wrong assumptions. Such as, "I know he loves me, he told me so." To which a real Bitchtorrent peer would reply, "Don't fool yourself, sister, he just wants you to sleep with him," and back that up with the relevant stories. The diary is thus the silent partner in the misery of many young and confused women.

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly from an overall socioeconomic perspective, the failure of a significant proportion of individual Bitchtoothing networks represents a systemic failure of an important aspect of social fabric. A society dominated by Woolfing speakers, lacking the balance that Bitchtorrent networks provide, will be efficient but will also be stupid, and commit ghastly mistakes on a massive scale.

Luckily the 21st century discovered how to make Bitchtorrent work over the Internet, giving us Facebook and Myspace.

Without technological assistance, women will establish persistent peering relationships only with a small number (half a dozen or so) high-value peers. Modern "social networking" software (this common label ignores the essentially gender-oriented nature of the scenario) lets women scale their network to hundreds of lower-value peers, which has been very bad for the diary business, but good for young women everywhere, as well as fun for many men who have found that such web sites let them speak fluent Bitchtorrent, with almost no effort.

Having said all this, it remains a crime of theft (of information value, in the Bitchtorrent sense) for anyone to read another person's diary, unless the writer is a historical figure. Parents who find diaries in their daughters' drawers should under no circumstances read them. They should however take the time to establish a Bitchtorrent channel, starting with the offering of rich and valuable information. To the father who asked his pregnant teenage daughter, "why did you not tell me you had a boyfriend?!", the girl may accurately answer, "because you never told me anything intimate about yourself".

  • Hell: Hell (n.) The first invention of any organized religion, following the basic technique of mass marketing that to sell a product you must first scare customers into wanting it. [marketing power]
  • Saints: Gods (n.) Modern thinkers recognize four principal saints: Darwin, saint of the necessary accident; Newton, saint of necessary accidents involving motorbikes and fast cars; Streisand, saint of the freedom of speech, and Sturgeon, saint of life mostly sucking. [religion]
  • We: We (n.) Everyone except you. [society you]
  • Female Orgasm: Female orgasm (n.) During sexual intercourse, an unfakeable indicator that the male is capable of giving women intense pleasure. []
  • Spirituality: Spirituality (n.) A state of mind whereby an individual successfully ignores all inconvenient evidence and facts. In the perfect spiritual state, the real world ceases, temporarily, to exist at all. [confusion]
  • Breasts: Breasts (n.) Twin fatty deposits on the chest of the mature human female. The purpose of breasts is to attract males by indicating fertility and availability. [sex]
  • Negotiation: Negotiation (n.) The art of saying you don't want it, and even if you did, you aren't the one who decides. [power]
  • Diary: Diary (n.) A type of virtual Bitchtorrent peer invented by a frustrated teenage girl. [communications female]
  • Woofing: Woofing (n.) The canine command-and-control language that men use to self-organize. As in the common female complaint, "he's Woofing, instead of listening to me". [communications male]
  • Bitchtorrent: Bitchtorrent (n.) The peer-to-peer protocol that women use to exchange information, more politely called "bluetoothing". [communications female]
  • Bluetoothing: Bluetoothing (v.) The communication pattern by which two, or rarely, three, mature human females will synchronize their mental data sets using wireless acoustic signals to trade units of knowledge and information in a private setting. [communications female]
  • Beauty: Beauty (n.). In women, an aspect that makes them socially mobile. In objects, high levels of useful functionality, relative to the observer's needs. [female hair male sex]
  • Gangster: Gangster (n.): A rich boyfriend, but a poor husband. [gene male power]
  • Girlfriend: Girlfriend (n.): a female companion that young men must acquire by fifteen to avoid strange looks. [gene]
  • Boyfriend: Boyfriend (n.): banned, tolerated, accepted, and finally embarrassing. [gene power]
  • Parent: Parent (n.): An adult with an offspring, who dedicates an hour or more, every day, to that offspring. [sex]
  • Society: Society (n.) Equal parts of beggar, baker, bureaucrat, and bandit. [society]
  • Male: Male (adj.) That gender destined to ultimately be replaced by a computer program. [stupidity]
  • Promises: Promises (n). "I love you", "Your check is in the post", "I'll call you", and finally "I promise not to sue you". [lies money power]
  • Open Source: Open source (n.) A form of software written cheaply by young often unpaid programmers, packaged by large businesses, safely patented for its own defence, and then sold at significant profit to major firms, in the form of "support licenses". [money patents software]
  • Death: Death (n.) 1. An irrecoverable crash, resulting in full data loss. 2. The point in which a player is removed from the game. [epicfail]
  • Life: Life (n.) A game in which most of the game consists of discovering the rules, and then realizing that everyone loses. [epicfail]
  • Democracy: Democracy (n.) An imaginary form of government in which the will of the people is expressed through a series of so-called "elections". [power]
  • Beard: Beard (n.) A hairy covering of the lower part of the adult male face that reduces the noise-to-signal ratio of the facial area. The result is to make hairy adult males look more like other hairy adult males. [genes hair male violence]
  • State: State (n.) Generally, "the State" refers to a ruling national authority. [violence]
  • Bush-whacked: Bush-whacked (adj.) Severely damaged due to malign larceny disguised as incompetence. Also, "Bushed". [epicfail]
  • Zebra: Zebra (n.) An African wild horse, especially skilled at hiding, from lions, among other zebras. Edible. [food group]
  • Recession: Recession (n.) A shocking, sudden collapse in economic activity after only years of clear warning signs. [epicfail money]
  • Business: Business (n.) (1) The art of hating your suppliers, destroying your competitors, and despising your customers in the pursuit of profits. (2) War in suits. [money]
  • Darwin: Darwin (n.) One of the two gods of survival along with Newton. [darwin newton]
  • Burnout: Burnout (n.) A post-traumatic stress disorder caused by excessive investment in an imbalanced project. [pain]
  • Crash: Crash (n.) The sound of a bubble bursting. [epicfail money]
  • Housing Market: Housing Market (n.) The only market where governments deliberately create inflation. [economics]
  • Mathematician: Mathematician (n.) A kind of programmer who never makes mistakes, so needs no computer. [mind]
  • Theory: Theory (n.) An analysis that can never be entirely right, but can be entirely wrong. [stupidity]
  • Oil: Oil (n.) The remains of ancient bacteria, conveniently liquefied and converted to pure combustible hydrocarbons. [oil]
  • Love: Love (n.) A blinding smugness emanating from one's genes when they think they have found a perfect match. [genes]
  • Disease: Disease (n.) The undesirable state of being a microbe's lunch buffet. [darwin disease]
  • President: President (n.) Like a king, but without the burden of history. [power]
  • Hero: Hero (n.) A powerful man who has successfully hidden all his vices and weaknesses. [people]
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