Bluetoothing: Bluetoothing (v.) The communication pattern by which two, or rarely, three, mature human females will synchronize their mental data sets using wireless acoustic signals to trade units of knowledge and information in a private setting.
Bluetoothing is an essential part of female social behavior, and has mostly escaped the attention of psychologists because these mainly either are, or think like, men. The bluetoothing pattern is analogous with the synchronization of two mobile agendas using a wireless protocol: exchange of credentials, negotiation, data transmission, confirmation, and sign off. The proximity presence of males disrupts a bluetoothing session, which will nonetheless resume almost perfectly as soon as the male moves out of wireless range. It is easy to more profoundly disrupt a bluetoothing session by smiling and nodding then interjecting plausible but irrelevant questions such as "so, what color was the dog?" and "did she say what her cousin's name was?" The female pair will eventually resume their data stream but at some cost.
Notable aspects of bluetoothing: it requires some level of prior friendship between the females; the duration of a bluetoothing session depends on the time since a previous synchronization (thus, amount of data to exchange); the pattern rarely involves more than two females; it is a strict peer-to-peer communications model; disclosure is not automatic but depends on the relative social valuation of the data being exchanged, and the other party.
Lastly, it is interesting to compare the female bluetoothing model of communication with the male "broadcasting" model of one-to-many announcement, and as usual with aspects of the human species, to ask "why?" On Venus, the women are chatting to each other, while on Mars they are giving orders.
- Hell: Hell (n.) The first invention of any organized religion, following the basic technique of mass marketing that to sell a product you must first scare customers into wanting it. [marketing power]
- Saints: Gods (n.) Modern thinkers recognize four principal saints: Darwin, saint of the necessary accident; Newton, saint of necessary accidents involving motorbikes and fast cars; Streisand, saint of the freedom of speech, and Sturgeon, saint of life mostly sucking. [religion]
- We: We (n.) Everyone except you. [society you]
- Female Orgasm: Female orgasm (n.) During sexual intercourse, an unfakeable indicator that the male is capable of giving women intense pleasure. []
- Spirituality: Spirituality (n.) A state of mind whereby an individual successfully ignores all inconvenient evidence and facts. In the perfect spiritual state, the real world ceases, temporarily, to exist at all. [confusion]
- Breasts: Breasts (n.) Twin fatty deposits on the chest of the mature human female. The purpose of breasts is to attract males by indicating fertility and availability. [sex]
- Negotiation: Negotiation (n.) The art of saying you don't want it, and even if you did, you aren't the one who decides. [power]
- Diary: Diary (n.) A type of virtual Bitchtorrent peer invented by a frustrated teenage girl. [communications female]
- Woofing: Woofing (n.) The canine command-and-control language that men use to self-organize. As in the common female complaint, "he's Woofing, instead of listening to me". [communications male]
- Bitchtorrent: Bitchtorrent (n.) The peer-to-peer protocol that women use to exchange information, more politely called "bluetoothing". [communications female]
- Bluetoothing: Bluetoothing (v.) The communication pattern by which two, or rarely, three, mature human females will synchronize their mental data sets using wireless acoustic signals to trade units of knowledge and information in a private setting. [communications female]
- Beauty: Beauty (n.). In women, an aspect that makes them socially mobile. In objects, high levels of useful functionality, relative to the observer's needs. [female hair male sex]
- Gangster: Gangster (n.): A rich boyfriend, but a poor husband. [gene male power]
- Girlfriend: Girlfriend (n.): a female companion that young men must acquire by fifteen to avoid strange looks. [gene]
- Boyfriend: Boyfriend (n.): banned, tolerated, accepted, and finally embarrassing. [gene power]
- Parent: Parent (n.): An adult with an offspring, who dedicates an hour or more, every day, to that offspring. [sex]
- Society: Society (n.) Equal parts of beggar, baker, bureaucrat, and bandit. [society]
- Male: Male (adj.) That gender destined to ultimately be replaced by a computer program. [stupidity]
- Promises: Promises (n). "I love you", "Your check is in the post", "I'll call you", and finally "I promise not to sue you". [lies money power]
- Open Source: Open source (n.) A form of software written cheaply by young often unpaid programmers, packaged by large businesses, safely patented for its own defence, and then sold at significant profit to major firms, in the form of "support licenses". [money patents software]
- Death: Death (n.) 1. An irrecoverable crash, resulting in full data loss. 2. The point in which a player is removed from the game. [epicfail]
- Life: Life (n.) A game in which most of the game consists of discovering the rules, and then realizing that everyone loses. [epicfail]
- Democracy: Democracy (n.) An imaginary form of government in which the will of the people is expressed through a series of so-called "elections". [power]
- Beard: Beard (n.) A hairy covering of the lower part of the adult male face that reduces the noise-to-signal ratio of the facial area. The result is to make hairy adult males look more like other hairy adult males. [genes hair male violence]
- State: State (n.) Generally, "the State" refers to a ruling national authority. [violence]
- Bush-whacked: Bush-whacked (adj.) Severely damaged due to malign larceny disguised as incompetence. Also, "Bushed". [epicfail]
- Zebra: Zebra (n.) An African wild horse, especially skilled at hiding, from lions, among other zebras. Edible. [food group]
- Recession: Recession (n.) A shocking, sudden collapse in economic activity after only years of clear warning signs. [epicfail money]
- Business: Business (n.) (1) The art of hating your suppliers, destroying your competitors, and despising your customers in the pursuit of profits. (2) War in suits. [money]
- Darwin: Darwin (n.) One of the two gods of survival along with Newton. [darwin newton]
- Burnout: Burnout (n.) A post-traumatic stress disorder caused by excessive investment in an imbalanced project. [pain]
- Crash: Crash (n.) The sound of a bubble bursting. [epicfail money]
- Housing Market: Housing Market (n.) The only market where governments deliberately create inflation. [economics]
- Mathematician: Mathematician (n.) A kind of programmer who never makes mistakes, so needs no computer. [mind]
- Theory: Theory (n.) An analysis that can never be entirely right, but can be entirely wrong. [stupidity]
- Oil: Oil (n.) The remains of ancient bacteria, conveniently liquefied and converted to pure combustible hydrocarbons. [oil]
- Love: Love (n.) A blinding smugness emanating from one's genes when they think they have found a perfect match. [genes]
- Disease: Disease (n.) The undesirable state of being a microbe's lunch buffet. [darwin disease]
- President: President (n.) Like a king, but without the burden of history. [power]
- Hero: Hero (n.) A powerful man who has successfully hidden all his vices and weaknesses. [people]